Trash Menagerie

Dir. Jim Mallon The hooks in Blood Hook are pretty much regular sized hooks. And that’s a little disappointing. With a name like “ Blood Hook ”, I was expecting a big hook. Like an almost comically oversized hook. The killer has a big bobber, or maybe it’s a lure (I don’t know shit about fishing) covered in hooks, but the hooks are a pretty standard size, maybe slightly above standard, but certainly nothing to write home about. It’s a little bit of a let down. Though fortunately once you get past that, Blood Hook showcases a fun little twist on the well worn slasher formula with a lot regional charm.   It’s summer 1986 (I assume it’s summer; it’s sunny and people are fishing) and Muskie Madness reigns supreme in a rural Wisconsin town as the locals vie for the biggest catch during the annual fishing festival. Crashing the party is city slicker Peter van Cleese and his Gen X buddies so that they and the locals can make each uncomfortable across the generation gap. Pet...

aka The Farm Dir. David Keith Life is tough on the farm. And death is tougher. It’s also considerably slimier. And it takes a while. An Italian/American Co-Production produced by Ovidio G. Assonitis and “Louis” Fulci, and based on H.P. Lovecraft’s The Colour Out of Space , The Curse concerns a Tennessee farmhouse inhabited by young Zack Crane (a post Stand by Me , pre Big Bang Theory Wil Wheaton) and his family. While he’s not working, being pushed into literal shit by his dim-witted, bullying step brother Cyrus, he’s being abused and dismissed by his evangelical step father Nathan. Nathan is such a bible thumper in fact, that he won’t even have sex with his wife, Zach’s mother, Frances, because Jesus. Ever the thirsty neglected housewife, Frances opts to shack up with Mike the farmhand on a night that happens to coincide with the arrival of a meteor on the Crane’s property. As everyone rushes out of the house to see what’s causing all the ruckus, Nathan is immediately...

Dir. Don Edmonds In the 1980s a subgenre of Heavy Metal Horror movies emerged, combining slasher tropes with plots revolving around rock stars. Among these movies are Rocktober Blood (1984), Hard Rock Zombies (1985) Trick or Treat (1986), Rock ’n’ Roll Nightmare (1987), Black Roses (1988) and Shock ‘Em Dead (1991). Released in 1980, Terror on Tour is considered the first of these films, (unless you count KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park [1978]) and it’s the only one I’ve seen. I dearly hope it’s not the best the genre has to offer. The movie opens with a show by KISS-esque hair metal / shock rock band The Clowns, played by real life Illinois rock band The Names (I’ve never heard of them either). They wear greasepaint, black unitards with red capes, and comically oversized afro wigs. They’re supposedly on tour but the only venue the play throughout the movie is some community theater looking auditorium. Their performances feature them beheading mannequins ...